Saturday, March 26, 2011

Broken Window, Shattered Family

I don't even know where to start at this point! I am at my wits end and just when I think things can't get any worse they do! My son, B is off the hook and has completely lost control, as have we as parents when it come to dealing with him! He has been throwing daily fits and I don't mean he threw his stuffed animals across his room! In B's room there is a bed and curtains, or at least there was....He had trashed his room back in October before he did his first stint in the first RTF(Residential Treatment Facility) which prompted us to take every thing that he hadn't destroyed or broken out of his room for his safety and the fact that he was doing physical damage to his room! His worst fit came yesterday night, on March 25 as he not only trashed his room but shattered one of his double pained windows all the way through! He has been progressively getting worse and FAST, So much so that the Behavioral School that he is attending is threating to kick him out because even they say he is too much to handle and they have advised us to seek out other options, such as an (Residential Treatment Center)! I laugh because this come just one day after a meeting with CPS about potential options of placement for B in which they told us that 1.) He would be almost impossible to place in a foster setting (while they try to get him placed in a RTC) because of his history & behavioral issues, 2.) That he would probably sit in the system for 3-6 months waiting for a placement in a RTC & that all they would contact other family memebers to see if they could take him(which means contacting his sexual abuser because they found no substance to the case against her) and I said NOT GOING TO HAPPEN! 3.) That most kids that go into a RTC come out worse then they go in if they come out at all.....Yeah, like I didn't already know all this, I am a Psych Major! So after balling my eyes out CPS & telling them I couldnt do this anymore I finally gave in and said to call the one person who I didn't want him around ever again, his abuser! I know it sounds like I am a horrible mother wanting to send him back to the place where he was molested but that was the only option I had & I have 4 other kids that I have to protect as well. CPS is all about B's best interest but they forget that there are other children involved & it is effecting them more then anyone(including me) ever realized! Last night my daughter's Facebook status tells a perfect story of how it is effecting her & I never knew how much she was effected until I read that & started crying. My son, LJ was in the tub when B started beating on the wall last night and it scared him so bad he started screaming, I had to go into the bathroom and take LJ out immediately hoping he would calm down, well needless to say that didn't happen. Poor LJ spent 40 mins, naked in my family room crying cause he wouldn't take his hands off his ears long enough to put his pajamas on because of all the loud noises & banging coming from B's room! I finally had to dress my 6 yr old son and put in my room w/ his sister, turn up my TV really loudly & shut the door! My older 2 sons, H & L were fighting and not wanting to go to bed because the tension in the house, I mean these are good kids and recently H, L & LJ have all been in trouble at school a lot which is not like them at all! I know kids go through phases as they grow up but that is not what this is, it is different in what kind of behavior is being exhibited, more like they are frustrated & looking for attention! This is what is called the trickle down effect, one thing causes other things to happen and it snowballs. Story of my Life!!!!!!!!!!
Last night after B's big fit & breaking the window my husband came home from work early(not the we can afford it but what are ya going to do) and B was taken to the hospital to see if we could get him back in a RTF(WPIC) till we can find a permanent place for treatment & WPIC was full so they sent him home. So far today he has pulled down the curtains that my husband put back up to cover the hole in the window, he has thrown the screen that was covering the broken window out of the hole in the broken window as well as a bunch of other things, such as his covers, a piece of baseboard he ripped off of his wall and part of his bed frame but that is not the worst of it....He then climbed out his window through the broken glass to get outside and play! Mind you his window is not super far up but it is not at ground level either, so he had to jump down & then after I got him back in the house and put him back in his room because he cant be out with the other kids, My next door neighbor comes over to tell me he is sticking his head out the window and almost cut his neck!!!!!!!!! BG is in the middle of covering up the broken window with ply wood and then I don't know what is going to happen.......
I did finally make a decision but it wasn't on the subject I thought it was going to be :( I told BG that if he couldn't find placement for B by this coming Friday that we would have to separate until something else could be worked out! I don't want a separation but I have to do what is best for my other children too(I know it would be hard on them and they would get upset but I have to protect them from any further damage being done by B), even if it means I get terribly hurt in the process too!

1 comment:

  1. This is terrible! I'm so sorry you have to go through this. Is B lucid enough to know that you're looking into these alternate (away from family) options for him? Could that be why his acting out has escalated so much recently?
    Regardless, the mental health system is broken - it doesn't help those that are exceptions, especially children. However, I thought the law was that if the person/child is a threat to themselves or others (as demonstrated by his recent outbursts), then they can be involuntarily committed for at least 72 hours to a Psych ward in a hospital? I'm sure you already know this and have likely exhausted your options. I'm just throwing out what little I know on the subject.
    You're in our prayers - I hope things work out, whatever that may be. :-(